Being torn between wanting to care for your mother and live a fulfilling life is a emotionally painful and taxing experience. Maybe join a local grief support group? I know those things werent true but I wanted to believe them. He had Parkinsons disease and dementia. Feels like yesterday. I get it a lot and have had to same thought Well what else am I supposed to do? Take courage. It seemed a little easier when the days runs smooth but the minutes when something goes off the path I am upset all over again. Im 27 and cant imagine ever falling in love again. Logically I know that I must forge on but wow, I have to learn how to navigate the new normal and somehow swallow the bitter pill of doing it without my Hero. He never ever complained and we were best friends. I am so very sorry youre in so much pain. I kinda get a do over. Hed had a checkup in December and was fine. Lisa Bernhard produced this report. Thanks to Laurie for putting this site together. I also would wake up and write David letters in a journal. your post is very compassionate. There was a line in a recent movie I watched Its a fearsome thing to love what death can steal , so true. I only hope that at 60 I can start a new life with getting a job and friends and move on. Hey Janet. Some of these suggestions give you an opportunity to make new friends and start a new life. I did this in small increments and after some time I found another person with whom I fell in love and to share my life. He went from oriented x 1 (person-he knew all of our names/recognized himself, me, our son, my 2 daughters) & completely ambulatory to sedated/intubated within 4hrs after I took our son home to get him situated. I tell everyone Im ok but my heart is breaking. Losing a loved one is never easy, but we were told that he had a year to live. All the best to you. Just rest assured we will be with them again in heaven. I miss him everyday and his voice just buzz in my ears all the time. Hi everyone! I lost my husband of 32 years this April to pancreatic cancer that invaded his brain. All of our plans are gone. Second, when you have no choice, you have to travel solo. Im terrified as I know my husband will die in a year or 2 since he has Prostate cancer that mastasized and hes weaker every day. God put this on my heart and I wanted to share with you all. He died alone. When he went into the hospital, he only lived 4 days, My light has gone out. There are just some things Ill never be able to share or experience again, and a void that will never be filled, and some days that is still so hard to accept. Not sure what your beliefs are. Its heartbreaking to see his pain get worse with every day. Im trying to be strong and arranging for all types of things so that I can live on my own, but I feel like the people in my life just say the wrong things. I get angry because we had a good, healthy relationship. My husband soulmate died 12/25/20, Im still trying to deal with all the emotion. Still with hopes of experiencing an occasional bit of joy. I am 65 now. Im sorry about the losses in your life and in such a short time frame. The pain comes and goes in waves but I truly believe that God is with me every minute watching over me and showing me my path in which to live my future life. Had I known about this I do not know if I would have married him. I hurt every single day. I am 2 years alone and am still taking baby steps. Jill, Thank you for sharing so much of your story with me. The loss is indescribable I love and miss my husband every day and cannot see a future. Im one of many that normally decorate November 1st. Its tough when we find the one & then like you say, poof, gone? I recently lost my girlfriend who asked me to marry her and I did the same with her before she passed away. I felt like I wasnt alone and I had the group to look forward to. Ughh while Im grieving too. Watch breaking news live and Good Day New York. It feels unbearable. It sounds like youve tried many different things, but nothing has filled the emptiness. And I know our time isnt guaranteed, but this is the most difficult, heart wrenching part of my life! However, I have been putting one foot in front of the other. I have had to ask for help and hire for everything that I cant do. He had 4 tours of duty a year at a time and then other times several weeks. . Get the right guidance with an attorney by your side. Peace and comfort to you. I lost my husband 9 months ago after over 40 years of marriage. I find I am more adventurous and last year went Zip linning and goal this year is to go Skydiving. Would like them just to say Im sorry but I do remember what a kind person your husband was. If there is anyone out there with wisdom to share, and the kindness and time to share it, especially anyone who can better understand my mothers perspective, I would greatly appreciate it. Please notify me either with posts or email. I had to see him, I didnt want to leave him, I had him cremated the next day so he could come home with me. WHEN THERE IS BREATH THERE IS HOPE, JESUS IS OUR BLESSED HOPE. I will never get over many things that we never got to do or say, and that everything I read says this part of your life is over and its a new season. If youd like anything removed, just comment here and Ill remove it. I spent everyday for 12 years with him we never spent a day apart even when I was working I spoke to him on my breaks and lunch. I know he said I should find someone else after he was gone, but how do you date after 35 years with the same man? Now Ive moved back to the city we lived in for years, to be closer to family. He just went to work & never came home. I am continuing our remodel also by myself. I am so lost but had to return to work as had no more time off. It is too much. Every day, I look at photos of happy times we shared. Im struggling for the right words. Im very depressed. I think that the earlier months were shock effects, fear and confusion and having to handle everything. Friends will try to fix you up but you will find that available men want one of three things: a nurse, a purse or an easy sexual partner. Celebrate your loved ones. Some how ull make it. I spend a lot of time at home bc its too Sad to go out and deal with returning to an empty chair. And lastly, you have grandchildren and children. I am 52 and lost my 57 yr old husband of 29 years in a single airplane crash on Aug. 9th, almost to two months. My husband also passed in a short time and it is unbearable. Even when my son does things in the yard I say to Steve, its not like youd do it. The seed was planted by a She Blossoms reader who said, Laurie, is it possible to put together a pen pal list for those of us who have lost our husbands so we can connect with someone? So here I sit with nothing but fears. Health is pretty good for my age, limited income, due to household income reduced by 50% after his death, & with price of food & gas these days. I was utterly and completely shattered by this catastrophic event. I wish I had an answer for you, but alas, I have yet to get to a place in my grief that the loneliness doesnt feel overwhelming & so very heavy each day. Its been a year since I lost my husband of 36 years and the pain is still raw and fresh. Or maybe try another church. It is a life adjustment and it is not easy. Then he wanted his ashes scattered in Jamaica. I truly am having a bad time even though i have my sons and sisters that surround me with love every day, Today moving forward i am going to try and take your advice. I will do my best. Oh Antonella, Our husbands both died unexpectedly on the same day, IIRCNovember 4, 2017. I can totally understand your pain.I also am suffering from the terrible lonliness after loosing my husband of almost 60 years. Am. The other was reading Laura Lynne Jacksons book, The Light Between Us. Ive read it about five times now. Hugs. It doesnt happen. Youre supposed to put value of all property and such on paper. Im so sorry for your loss. Ask for your guardian angel for help. I told my daughter if the first time I saw him, he would have asked me to marry him, I would have said yes. I hate saying the anniversary of my husbands passing, that to me, indicates a happy occasion. I hope we can talk , Hello JR, just wanted to let you know this is not a private forum. He continued to get worse and I called emergency 3 times. Never knew anyone to be as close as we were. He took our kids places and spend time teaching them things. December 8th will be one year since I lost my husband of 28 years. God has shown me compassion and goodness. My husband died March 19th this year. Love yourself. Wishing you some peace. I never wouldve joined given a choiceI was more than content to never know what losing my soulmate and best friend, was like. Almost a feeling that I dont love him enough for eternity. I can honestly say that I understand, Janet. Alessandra, your husband is part of your son. Hello, my name is Jane. I wish you luck in your journey. And so Im in a home thats empty full of sorrow. Every second Im thinking of all the memories we share. At 4:30 he got up stumbled out of bed and collapsed.he was burning up. I have a close family but feel like a burden because I keep having to talk or cry or find myself needing the same support. There are days when the heartache and pain I feel stops me in my tracks. I lost my husband almost four years ago. I cant imagine even being intimate with anyone else. Everyone is different. The bible says, the living know they shall die, but the dead knowth not anything. Lost! Now I am beginning to want to leave here. Missing them soo much and yet trying to survive each passing day. And you are not! I asked the driver to help her bag and made sure she sat in the bus comfortably. God gives me the peace that I need to get through each day. I dont think we have a word that describes the anguish I feel . Friends were few because we did everything together, even grocery shopping. So frustrating. Thank you for being here, and sharing what youre going through. (I had confronted him about this woman before and he denied any relationship but I just had a gut feeling). I have two daughters in college; they want me to keep the house. I have good days and bad days and still have his ashes on the coffee table. Stats where from study I found online of 900 participants, that over 90% went home, tho my Tony never did, and doctor said he suspected , tho they had to try and save him of course, that he was already gone when helicopter landed, so doctor said they could put him in nursing home or such place , in bed but unlikely hed ever get better or let him go. Peggy, My sympathies for your loss. It took three years of on and off again dating. I found that those early days, weeks and months horrific. Why do bad people live forever and good die young my grandson was only 18.. I misses my husband so much! I am lost and fearful after the death of my beloved husband 3 months ago-I cant believe he is gone. Exhibitionist & Voyeur 08/01/13: A New Way of Seeing Things Ch. My husband died unexpectedly in September. I believe it is normal. I offer you peace, take deep breaths and exhale slowly. Take care, Enjoy the peace and quiet. I woke up this morning and I said Thank you Lord for another day Then I said good morning to my husband picture. Thanks for sharing that you depend on your two kids whom still live with you. My friend now needs to be a companion to another women who has lost someone due to covid. I lost my dearest friend and husband in July. If she has any family or friends (siblings, nearby cousins, etc.) Hugs, My husband did not leave a will and our cars are in his name which has caused me a lot of stress to get straight-Make sure you get that taken care of if he has no will-I did have everything else in order before he passed -marriage certificate ,Ins information & his military information because he received disability for war injuries-You will need honorable discharge proof if you want military funeral which we did -The VA will give you information on what you will needits so hard to do it afterwards when you are in grief but some things cannot be done until then-My daughter went with me to help and I was very grateful I had her-. The pain softens but the memories become so ibgrained I your heart that you dont stop thinking about them. Heartache and sleepless nights. If your interesting in talking to me write back on this forum ( I hope its private) w your response. I have never been alone and I miss him like crazy. No, we never get over the loss, but time helps soften the pain. Im in a fog. Our hearts used to beat as one but now my heart is out of synch. Life will never be the same. The first year is really hard. The emotional pain is overwhelming. Ash, I am soo very sorry for each and every one of your losses. Everyone says that in time the memories/pictures will be comforting. I can say that it does get better with time although the loss will always be there. He did go into Hospice last October. I encourage anyone to call sooner rather then later so the team gets to know what is normal for that person. It hurt so much to see couples shopping together and possibly holding hands. No one is judging you. My heart goes out to you. He served in the US Air Force for 6 years. I have my kids, but its not the same. The first two. He was diagnosed in March and died 3 weeks later. Thank you. (If applicable) Have someone on tap to help you with Social Security because trust me, when he dies you wont be able to think or do this stuff alone. Not very many friends, but we had each other. Just keep busy and plan forward as hard as that is. Our life has been rather depressing over the past several years, but this year was full of good news that was too good to keep. There was a crowd too. An alleged ponzi scheme, get-rich-quick seminars, AOC's challenger, and a network of mysterious Florida businesses. Joanna, My wonderful husband died November 23, 2020. I feel and understand your grief and sorrow. I walk my dog, alone. He is near. I wish I had the right words, but I dont know what to say. I havent hugged anyone since the pandemic. We were together for 42 years and married for 38 years, he was my soul mate and I cant explain how sad and vulnerable I feel without him. I never needed anyone else. I, too cry everyday. Blessings to you. May you find life in new and different ways. He admitted to the doctor that he had been smoking all the years I thought he had quit. I always said I wanted us to go together. Let her decide when to put his belongings away. Take care of yourself; let yourself cry for as long as you need. I cannot breathe thinking of life without him. I lost my husband after years of teenage dating and early marriage. You can do it. We had twins and a single. I just feel defeated. Im Aspergers so Im a difficult person to deal with. Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images. I encouraged her to consider fostering a dog or cat for a short time. We have to grieve and there is no time frame and dont let anyone push you. I could add a thousand more things to the small list described here, some realized and some not yet realized even after 14 months of living The ALONE. Fortunately, we had a will drawn up 9 months before he died where he left me everything, IRAs everything must go to you. I have found comfort living in our home alone however I do suffer. I want to die and go with him. My husband of 35 years passed away in October of 2020. Your email address will not be published. My biological son has been staying with me. Hes there listening when you talk out loud to your husbands. I wish you all the best with your project. I find myself walking from room to room moving things. We were inseparable. You sound a lot like me. Or there could be several other factors at play that are causing you to feel hatred for the man you are supposed to love forever. Grown men crying. It has been 2 years, 1 month, 9 days since he left & it still shocks me daily that he is gone. They climbed on the door of my car and opened my door. Hardest with. Things I do know is that I do want to move one from where I am living. I also thought of something last night after my husbands loss to covid 2 weeks ago. after that we asked for hospice to come in as he was loosing ground in being able to breath even with the maximum oxygen on. He was only 41 & had no health issues. But I will carry him in my heart. I understand your pain, I am suffering myself after losing my husband. Im not ready to accept that. That said, I feel I have a suggestion for what can be done. You will have more productive days and that is a good sign. I wish you the best and take life one day at a time. His tombstone came last month, it is beautiful. The worst thing to happen. I lost my husband 6 months ago. I just want to cry. My Oldman passed away on February 1, 2021. My husband died totally unexpectedly on November 23, 2020. Life is too short, dont worry, be happy. I am wishing you comfort as well and I know that God will give you the peace that you need. But I believe (from living experience) that its just the role you have to play for now to help her let go and be at peace. This is my saddest time. But when I go aday without seeing them I am pulled back to the loneliness. We are planning a celebration of life at church and a masonic service at the lodge. I too still struggle with the loneliness of a quiet house at night. The woman who started it is amazing. Im a year on after partner died. Every one of us has a different description of the little things that are their own version of The ALONE. Things got worse fter the children left and my age crept u[ on me. But i wish I have had a child of him but couldnt get pregnant when I tried and them few months after trying, my love was gone. I am stronger today due to my faith and knowing that I will always be with him spiritually but not physically anymore. I understand the different roles and responsibilities that a couple may share. I never commented or made my presence known at all when Id watch her videos, so I am not sure why, or what Ive done. I think since you are next of kin and spouse you Could request the hospital only allow her there for say 30 minutes a day or even less if she is upsetting both of you-I would go to the Dr in charge and tell him whats going on and make that request! Go and get what you need my sister!!. One daughter lives over an hour away. Its almost 10 months my beloved Honey is gone. He was only 52. I too am going through the same thing as you, lost as to what to do no family around and having lived here for 22 years just have a few neighbors but no friends. As time passes, i thought it would get easier , however , that is not the case, for me anyway. I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren but am still so lonely and do not know how to live without my husband. It is the most difficult thing to go through. I dont want to live without him. Unexpectedly he was only 49. We will reunite with our husbands real soon and I cant wait for that glorious day to come. I feel totally alone and scared too without my husband. There are many online. WebFind the latest U.S. news stories, photos, and videos on NBCNews.com. I am not a widow, yet.but I am confused, anxious, alone, overwhelmed, sad, and just want to talk to other women who are, or have, or will be experiencing great loss. Never stay with a man who becomes abusive. I think we die when were supposed to die. Antonella, Katie, Please dont apologize for being sad, broken, or for reaching out. Throughout his life, he didnt take care of his health and this was our major fight. Still, at almost the 10 month mark. Its been almost 7 years for me, and I still cant handle it. I could not bear the thought of putting him in a nursing home or board and care facility given that I lost both my mother and my sister in nursing homes. Sometimes anything more is too much to bear. We had just sold our home in Wisconsin and were buying a home in Florida.our RV was packed and we were going to live his dream fishing southern waters. Latest Nigerian News - Nigerian newspaper, Nigeria news, Nigerian news, Read nigerian news online, Visit NigerianEye, Your Online nigeria newspaper for nigeria news today, breaking news, check nigeria news online at NigerianEye.com, for summary of nigerian newspapers today Not only did you lose your husband, you lost what the life you thought you had with him. At the 6 month mark, I bought a new bedroom set to replace the one we bought together & shared for 17 & 1/2 yearsI spent the first 3 years continuing the remodeling we had begun in our 110 y/o home we purchased to fix up together. I miss him so much. 02 (4.63) Julie, Michael and Maya start their cuckquean adventure. I am seeing a counselor, I go to GriefShare group but feel so lonely anyway. He had a job that gave us 2-3 day weekends and we loved it. Husband. WebImmediately after procedure I knew it was a mistake but it was too late. My husband had a bone cancer called MDS. If youre like me, you may feel hopeless and helpless when you think of certain household chores and financial responsibilities. I am unemployed because of covid and have been looking for work through all of the this. So much to do and learn when you feel your weakest. My children are all grown and have a life of their own. I feel so aloneit physically hurts my heart and soul. Like one of you said, what choice do we have? I see so many dysfunctional relationships and I cant understand why my relationship had to end. Have not. We had another planned pregnancy 6 months later. I would just pet and pet him and he let me. Life doesnt stop. He has been ill and for the first time in our decades together, I realize how dependent I am on him for everything. Now tears have overwhelmed once again. I guess it is true, you will find out who your friends are sooner or later. I began to journal my feelings, and as I wrote down what was in my heart it helped me to release them, a way that seemed to. For me I try to do good things in his name showing my love and honor for him. The only comfort I have is that he was a disabled veteran so the veterans service organization will help some. RELATED:The 12 Common Problems That Threaten Even Happy Marriages, "Honey, you need to pick up the dry cleaning. it seems like a dream I have not awaken from. God Bless you and may God give you peace. Ive tried to explain it to my friends and family, but it cant be defined. I am trying to find some things that help me get past the worst part. God willing we can find a home for Maria. The year before my husband died, my daughter met a wonderful guy and this past December, he proposed and they are getting married in October. I cannot remember the exact words that I typed into Google after my sweet 42 y/o husband died suddenly in 2017 after falling from scaffolding at work, but I am sure it was something that was similar to what you did. I wish people could place us in a group home , like the Golden girls , so we at least would not be alone, and scared, not sleeping at night, worrying over our cut in finances etc. The last time was just before he died. He was my best friend, my only friend. Life wasnt perfect, but what is? I cant watch tv or no way can I look at pictures of him or us. Im totally devastated and dont know how to live without him nor do I want to. Believe me, I remember everything relating to my husband and some days, I wish I didnt. Then 2 weeks ago I lost my 18 year old grandson in car accident because some one was so negligence not stopping at a stop sign. Im not sure why but every time I get in my car, I get nauseous. Why? Tommy and I were divinely orchestrated. Peace for you. I rescued her and she is absolutely here for me. I am so alone, just like with everyone else, Im sure. Prays for all! This time I saw them and tears swelled in my eyes. I am meditating, I walk my dog and try not to sink. My husband of 44 year. I do not know what it is like to be in your shoes, but I care. But I find seeing people is worse than being alone. Not making light of the sorrow you feel, and my condolences to you, but my dear, hopefully you have 50, 60 or more years left to live. Its so very difficult, we were together 38 years. I am still so angry at God. When I wake up now, my hand is clenched like his hand is still there. AND the pain and sorrow. Now. Really I would like to leave now too, it is no longer worth living. I love my job. I hope God can give me the strength to go through this big step. Im still learning, still mourning, pissed off with regrets and guilt and still asking WHY? Sadness, fear, fear of the future, growing old alone. I am devastated, crying everyday, I lost my husband of 18/years to pancreatic cancer. Us more time. I can only say that, after nineteen months of being a widow, I am somewhat getting used to my new life alone. We were married 47 years and I miss him so much, I cant function, my heart is broken.. I, too, have horses that I love, care for, spend time with, cry in their manes, hug their necks, talk to them, ride them and all the other things we do with them. Realized everyone I have ever lived with is dead except for my brother. I miss my husband so much and I just want to show him how much I have grown as a person and parent and I want to honor him as I should have. You are loved. Our son lives a few blocks away and comes over for dinner almost every night. Nothing was nice, kind and friendly. I cry every day. I lost my beloved 3/13/2020. I now in my late 60s and dont know what makes me happy, or what to do, I think, aw well Im not going anywhere whats the point of getting dress, cant be bothered and I know this is not healthy. If his voice is buzzing in your ears, that may be him trying to comfort you.You havent lost him, hes just taken a different form. Christmas was especially bad as I met my fiance on Christmas Eve and were engaged at Christmas time. Not sure whether to celebrate Thanksgiving as it was the day I had to call 911 and then he was gone on that dreadful day in November. Yes, that was not a mistake does. The love that he was showing to you cant be destroyed. He lived to make me happy and I miss everything about him. Period. Sending giant hugs your way , for renewed life and willingness to one day again want to be part of the ongoing journey of life well lived. Does. I lost my husband on July 22, 2017. their lives are miles away so their visit are very much appreciated. After what happened to me I was so done with God. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. From the quiet to mowing the lawn. There are millions of predators out there. It was hard to see him die at home at the end, bedridden and unable to eat and speak. WebWith 2023 finally here, its time to look at who to watch in mens professional golf. God bless you.?? Lots of firsts, holidays, anniversaries, etc. Mind you it is only 10,000 and his cremation had to be taken out of that. I would love to email a widow that is a Christian, in her 70s, husband recently passed, and who desires to make a friend., So Im going to do the best I can to help women find each other. WebWatch breaking news videos, viral videos and original video clips on CNN.com. RELATED: The 12 Common Problems That Threaten Even Happy Marriages 7 Common reasons why wives hate their husbands 1. They would usually go out after the meetings for coffee. heartbroken,sad,lost,broken,numb. The pain and sorrow is overwhelming, Crushing at times, but it ever so slowly begins to change. This pain is unbearable. I know I will never be the same and not sure when or if, this grief will ever go away. We were careful about who and what we did. I cant believe I have survived this far. There are days I want to talk to my husband so bad share so much with him see his face just hear his voice. Just before I went to bed the other night, I thought, wow I didnt cry today and then I cried my eyes out. Ive moved to a new town and its quite small only because it was all I could afford. My husband died on June 12, 2021. Yes, as believers we know our loved ones are in the happiest place there is and we will see them again one day. Not sure its for everyone either, but it is all I have to share. Instead its a slow tortuous ritual that never abates. This past September 2019 he was diagnosed with glioblastoma an aggressive form of brain cancer due to his time at 9/11. You can talk to Him too. I want to bury my head in my pillow and wake up to find this past month was all just a bad dream. I went to the Aldis grocery store which I had not been to since he passed and I saw his peanuts. I feel exactly the same way. Maybe some of what I do will help or inspire you to just do something (just keep moving). Joyce. We were married 45 yrs. My husband died 4 months ago and Im 73 and you never know what lies ahead. I cant listen to music without crying. Knowing that Jesus has ahold of my hand every step of the way has kept me going, brought me out of that dark pit. To. Ive loved my husband for almost 50 years and have been without him for 26 months. I just couldnt and some days still cant wrap my head around the fact that he is gone. He was my rock, my best friend, soulmate, confidante and so on etc etc etc. He came around just long enough to recognize me, then smile, and took his last breath. She doesnt believe in counsling , that sent their generation. Now by my behaviour I cant make it right. He was originally diagnosed in January 2019. The ones that really upset me most was hes in a better place, he is not battling an illness any more and, time will make it easier. How do you live alone after your husband dies? God bless all of us. Nobody really knows how you feel and when asked it is hard not to break down and cry. My husband passed January, 2022 after long illness. My husband was a very religious man and right now Im so angry with losing him that I wonder if Im going to ever see him again because of being so hurt with GOD . Me too. I serve no purpose as I wrapped my world around him and he was so worth it. Miss him more than I could have ever imagined. The wonderful most precious thing about my mind, imagining and remembering is that the pictures are real and what I feel is truly real because the magic of the actual moments created in my mind were once very real. My BIL just really walked away back into his own life. God is with me and has helped me so much. Someday, I pray to be able to not have to wake each morning to rediscover that he really did disappear suddenly from the planet, leaving me behind, against my will, to ride this difficult, lonely ride to its conclusion. I cut my front and back yard and just started walking 3 times a week, trying to meet people to talk to as I am a private person. Reads like a bad soap opera,! Then come to find out, no one would rent to me. It has been the hardest thing i have ever experienced . Sagess. Give up? The following ideas for living alone after your husband dies are inspired by a reader. He was my tech support and handled all home life. Get working now if you can, especially on the sale of the church. I asked the doctor and my counselor about it, they both said I was in shock. I made them let me go to the cremation. Read I Thessalonians Ch 4 verse 13-18. I still do nothing but sit in the house. I am truly sorry for your loss,Im in the same boat i lost my girlfriend, the mother of our daughter, future wife March of 2021 and I feel the same way. For the first four days all I did was scream loud and cry and scream. We were together for 37 years. I still cant believe it, hate the fact that people constantly tell me things like he will always be with you, and that he is not in any pain anymore. No one really understands,not my children,they have their own lives. not him per say, but that position.the friend, the lover, the confidant etc that i had with him. I ask myself what would I have done differently if Id known he was going die. Dianna. Your life is precious to Him and to your family. Terrible. A few people tried to give advice but I did not listen. Although I didnt lie to her, I told her the same tale I use for good-intentioned others who offer hated sympathy: Ive made plans, Im a creator, Im fine. Then the day comes and all the plans poof and disappear. Our network attorneys have an average customer rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars. Thank you Jo Anne.You are the proof I need that,in spite of the grief,we do carry on. Be patient with yourself, dont be afraid to share your feelings. Make sure his ducks are in a row (estate planning, funeral home, thats where we screwed up) and tell him everything, how much he means to you, how much you love him, until hes tired of hearing it ( my husband actually asked me why do you keep saying that?). Im 63 now. He took his life because he couldnt stand another day of missing his ex wife and being with me. He made a mistake and he had to live with it. She was just noticing all the crap shell have to paw thru when Im gone. My daughter just got married which is blissful. I am a nurse and ask God and those who have passed to direct me and assist me to bring me peace as I strive to help others. 4 years 9 months and the grieving remains ingrained, a little softer but man, it still aches like crazy. Nothing works for everyone! My hope and prayer is that God will give you the grace of light, consolation and the peace that passes understanding. I know I am very weak. My prayers are with you. Hi Jo Anne-I am so sorryI lost my husband last year ,married 51 years,and I was very co- dependent on him also .You are lucky in some ways in that you have a-chance to prepare -I did some of that as soon as I realized that my husband probably was not going to live long,and it was a hard thing to do of course-I didnt want to even talk about that -I loved him so very much and would cry when I thought about him dying-However, he became so ill and so sick ,that I knew I had to do something to make sure I could take care of myself or know what to do-First of all make sure that your husband leaves a will if possible my husband & I did not make a will We are not extremely wealthy & he thought that probably all would all go to me anyway-however, luckily the deed for our house is in his and my name which is great!The mortgage in his name-Your name must be on the deed-also our bank account was in both our names & thats also important -I met with a personal banker after he died to just take his name off the account and she was extremely helpful-however ,both our cars are in his name ,and while I need to sell one of the cars ,to get new one its going to be a big problem getting the name of the title changed over to me -so I have not done that yet-I got all life insurance policies together -if I could not find a copy of the policy I wrote and they sent one to me /(the ins company that is )also you need to get a marriage certificate if he is a veteran ,or just in case you need to prove that you were married a copy of your marriage license ,birth certificates ,if you can find them to prove who you are- these things are also important -0anything that has his name on it without your name may be a problem as far as your assets are concerned-just make sure that your name is either on the mortgage and or at least on the deed to home -if you have one my husband was a veteran so I was to get benefits from him which helps my income ,and I get his Social Security -He had some life insurance ,it has helped me immensely -youre going to need some income if you dont have a job or a lot of savings- my husband has been gone almost a year ,and it has been very ,very hard for me just to accept the fact that he is never coming back -However that is something every person who loses their spouse after many years has to face-It will be dealt with in your own way ..there are grief counselors who will help you ,many groups of surviving spouses who are there to help -my family is close by,(my adult children ) and they have helped me a lot -Still there have been many hours Ive spent alone because its what I have to do -God bless you as you go through this , you will feel better about what youre going to do -Lots of hugs .. Janet, I hate night time. I am lonely too, especially with this pandemic. It took years to find a heart to forgive my husband for not standing with me at the time of the 3rd pregnancy. He had diabetes and heart issues, getting pneumonia along with it didnt help. Exhibitionist & Voyeur 08/01/13: A New Way of Seeing Things Ch. I will post on my fridge to see that note by Dr Seuss. I got shingles a week after he passed and just wanted him to hold me and comfort me like he always had. I had found him in bed and he had been passed away. He felt better on the 21st (Saturday) worse on the 22nd, and then passed away on the 23rd at 11:05. Every single positive part of our life together escaped this miserable realm with his sweet soul. I am doing the same with my husbands ashes. Only I saw these men, and I still believe they were angels. Our network attorneys have an average customer rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars. I am 56 he passed at 57. Hang in there and continue to lean on the lord. Now, I am lost again. Dont forget. Take care. I get so lonely at times it scares me. Required fields are marked *. Hemp Source. ?? Its the kind of pain you dont want anyone to feel. Jennie. And join a church. Its truly a hard pill to swallow and broken heart syndrome is real. The wound is fresh for you too. Came across a nude photo shed sent to his phone. I do feel really disorganized. Doesnt matter what you do or how much you talk about him or all the problems you now solve on your own your mind races back to him and how for one brief shining moment in time you were fulfilled and warm and safe. How are things going for you? Today, on facebook a memory of today being my last external radiation treatment popped up. I am going to wait until the end of January to make any decisions about returning to work. Its very difficult to go on without them but somehow each day becomes another. I dont live near any family. He was only 47. It was sudden after 35 years of marriage. Mary, have someone set up online bill pay on your computer so that paying bills is easy for you. I am still very very sad and trying to find peace and acceptance every day. Able to function despite the constant presence of mixed up feelings and numerous fears. Of course Im taking tiny baby steps. Hugs and prayers to you. Im isolating myself and only leave the house for work and food. Would I have loved him better or showed him more often what he meant to me. I love him. He had an illness for a number of years but his death was still unexpected. Janet, I totally understand. Sad! This is very sad. Blessings to you. His death has changed me and my life forever. I didnt sign up for this life without him. I always thought I would go first Kevin was so healthy and his family all lived into their 90s. I have a church family, and we usually go to lunch together after services on Sunday, but then I get to watch all of them go home TOGETHER, as I go home, once again, to a silent house and sit alone from one until bedtime. I heard once, that this is a plannot to die with family. We chose not to have children tho I have a son from a previous. What do YOU do for fun? Standing by his bed, with my two adult son & daughter, watching him breath his last breath, I wanted to go with him. He was my best friend. We faced so many horrible times together this past year and found that our relationship deepened even more as we relied on each other. I am hardly the person to give u the right answer as I am still within the trenches of grief. My heart is totally breaking. The quote was: the laziness of grief. Please do read through their comments and stories. It might have been a blessing because of the state he was in but the pain is terrible. Other than that I dont do much. It sounds like he did his best to be a good father and faithful husband. The loss of our husbands, so traumatic and life changing. Hi Janet, I just read your comments, our lives are silmilar except for the childrens. Its a very sad journey. May God bless you and give you strength. The initial test revealed a negative result but then he was positive. Making arrangements. I have all my animals placed when I pass. Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all was never in our position . I feel the same way. Declutter your home, clean out the closets, go through the attic and basement. We were together 41 years. Life is so very difficult. Listen to music, and just enjoy the beautiful home we built together. Your life is your own to do what makes you happy. We, the ones left behind to combat the pain and loneliness. You are not alone. !! It was hard to be in the home we shared but hard to think of leaving it or where to go. She was only using him for moneyand Im sure he was well aware but he had sexual desires that I had not been fulfilling. He also left me with some wonderful gifts: I was the one who handled the routine finances, he supported me in starting a small business, and he surrounded us with supportive friends in the local community who are priceless for me. I purchased a new car. After 12 months of testing, heart stent surgery and jumping through hoops to get on transplant list, he was denied due to comorbidities. How could he not let me love and hugs him more. Haily, you seem to have a spirit of strength and courage. And every single day we told each other we loved each other every other sentence. Maybe seven months just isnt enough time. I have a big teddy bear that I hug often, it feels good to give a hug whenever I want. Such a difficult path, filled with sadness and fear of the future without your spouse, but the Lord has been merciful and kind and has carried me. Im trying to think of creative ways to meet new people once we get our freedom back again. Almost as if she is a helpless wimp. Many ladies that are widows are there. Family and friends dont get it. I come home from church weeping, not wanting to face the rest of the day and night in utter isolation. All on FoxSports.com. Coming here helps me, its a sisterhood you really dont want to be a member of but I can see thats its not just me and it continues to happen. Please know you are not alone,I feel the same. It makes me feel useful. The only ones I knew were through a local church and it closed!! That has almost destroyed my son. I understand your pain and heartbreak Many Hugs, nrobertsbear@earthlink.net. It was a paralyzing moment for me. Even when I didnt pray, didnt even want God, Im thankful He didnt fail me. I am fortunate to have enough means to do some modest traveling and have joined a senior group in town who travel to near and far destinations. Im very depressed. Try to find a reason for you still being here on earth. I was 20 at marriage. I pray constantly for comfort and peace, but all I really want is him. I wish so much that I could say anything at all that would ease your long-lingering pain, as I know that there is nothing that can relieve it. Why would he not have told me during the engagement ? Going to try one at a local church next month if widows/widowers are a good part of it. The women Ive met in a bereavement group were pretty self sufficient.Sad but at the same time the most resilient people Ive ever had the pleasure of being with. I couldnt have children, and dont have family. I so want to be able to get to that point. She lives 20 miles from me and we talk daily (my daughter says grandma is my therapist). I try not to act scared in front of my daughter so she feels secure. I cry everyday. I know how overwhelming it all is, especially in the very beginning. Antonella. 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